my therapist helped me realize that the way my stepmom has been treating me is not ok and for the first time in my life i am going to stand up for myself instead of being a people pleasing fake ass bitch. since my stepmom finally gave me my dad's electronic devices that i have been asking for since he died over a year ago, she has been pestering me about shit she wants me to do for her regarding taxes and my dad's car that honestly are not my responsibility whatsoever. i am so used to giving people what they want, even when it makes me uncomfortable and contradicts my personal boundaries because i am so fucking terrified of people being mad at me. even people i don't like. since this woman has come into my dad's life i have been suspending my disbelief in her intentions in order to keep things cordial with my dad at the end of his life, and she continues to take advantage of that. she insisted they get legally married when he was already incredibly sick like 3 months before he died, and i knew at the time that this was wrong because he had no interest in doing this besides his interest in making her happy. i had multiple conversations with him about this and he didn't think a legal marriage was necessary to prove their love for each other. this naturally led me, and other family members to the assumption that she was after his money. i chose not to believe this because i wanted to believe her love for him was true, as he is so deserving of love and i wanted him to be happy. however, when she handed over my dad's phone, i found a deleted screenshot (clearly deleted by her because it was in the "recently deleted" folder, which empties every 30 days) that proved that she got a lot more inheritance than i did. they were not upfront with me about this, and she has been lying to me about her financial situation, acting like she has no money when i know he left her way more money than she would ever be able to use in the rest of her lifetime. i felt lied to and betrayed, but this allowed me to finally see her fake nice persona for what it really is: a manipulation tactic designed to make me feel indebted to her and guilty for not doing what she demanded i do to help her with her own legal shit.

what kind of person takes the bulk of a man's estate away from his only child, while lying to her about it and claiming to love her like a daughter? not only this, but she ensured that we wouldn't get a memorial service until 9 months after his death because her family was concerned about the "optics" of having a funeral so soon after their wedding. even more hurtful, my dad's sister, who i thought cared about me and was on my side, took her side in this, and protected her from these kinds of criticisms by insisting that her intentions were pure despite clear evidence of the contrary. at the memorial my aunt made me feel pressured to be nice to my stepmom, insisting that she really does love me and wants to be in my life, even though i have previously confided in her about how disgusting this woman has been toward me, my husband, my mother, and my in-laws. i can't believe i allowed myself to be gaslit by these white people. i will NEVER forget the way my stepmom handed me my dad's cremated remains in a ZIPLOC SANDWICH BAGGIE, and acted like she was giving me a gift. how fucking disrespectful and disgusting. it doesn't take more than 2 braincells to think hmm maybe i should find a more respectful container to present my dead husband's daughters ashes in than a ZIPLOC BAG. it makes me feel sick. then she offered to FORGE my mother's signature on the transfer papers for my dad's car, as if i wouldn't mind being an accomplice in this?? so stupid. and i was willing to ignore all this stuff and take the high road because i am terrified of conflict. i would've probably continued to keep quiet about my feelings for the rest of her life, and maybe even have gotten meals with her out of obligation/pressure from my aunt if she didn't continue bothering me all week about getting her tax information from my dad's account, framing it as if i was the only one who could do this, when it is factually untrue. when i tried to set a boundary she doubled down with her passive aggressive rhetoric and tried to guilt me AGAIN into doing more emotional and actual labor on her behalf. like no. i've had enough of being nice and tolerant. my dad wasn't ever gonna stand up to you, so i guess i have to!

idk why it took me so long to put my foot down. i guess i didn't have the confidence that my feelings were valid and deserved being heard. like i still cared more about what she thought of me and i wanted to be kind and forgiving, but i can't stand her anymore. i will not tolerate her walking all over me like this. after all she has taken from me. selfishly, i keep thinking how i could have had so much more meaningful time with my dad if she wasn't trying to turn him against me with her racist agenda to impose her family's colonizing presence on the stolen land that my in-laws were caretaking FOR my dad. that's a whole other story. and i chose to fucking forgive it and be nice to her because i didn't wanna be fighting with my dad about his wife's bigotry in his last year of life. and who knows maybe her presence in the end of his life was more valuable than mine. but i know for certain that her presence in my life carries absolutely no value whatsoever. and i'm gonna say it like it is.